Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
