he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
