Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
