just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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