It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
