you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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