He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
