I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
