We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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