is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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