Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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