life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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