He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
