I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
