Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
and she was petting her beer can
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
