Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
