drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
