fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
