her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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