her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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