I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am available for nakedness
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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