you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
