How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
