Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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