Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
