I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
