the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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