I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
