Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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