38 yer olds are good kisserssss
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
