I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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