Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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