cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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