Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
wow bdsm is so cute
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
