Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
