It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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