My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
