dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
