I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
