Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
