Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
