I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize