No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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