remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
