Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
