awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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