I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
