I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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