Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
