Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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