Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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