I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ugly people sure do ruin things
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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