i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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