This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
