he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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