i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
