wrigley field is MILF paradise
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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