I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
