Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
