I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think i have two assholes
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize