so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
