You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
