AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
