dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
