no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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