it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
