I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
